how do i feel this good sober?

The other day I needed my passport for something (spy work.) and I realized how funny my passport picture is.  I had it taken when I had just turned 17 years old!  I was a junior in high school!  And I hadn't even had a nose job yet!!  (I've actually never had a nose job, buy my nose looks really strange in this picture.. hard to capture though!)

Anyway, basically, I just wanted to show off how funny I looked when I was 17.  I guess I really have grown up some.  Or at least got a better haircut and some eyebrow work.  But who's to say?!
Ta Daa!

humanity is a deer in headlights

When I was a Kid....
One summer, I was at my uncle's house, hanging out by the pool with my relatives and cousins.  They had a bowl of cheese balls, and I had a handful and was walking along the edge of the pool.

Now, I don't remember this story.  I remember parts of it, but I remember it aaaall wrong.  I remember looking up from the water, that's about rhe only part I accurately know.  So I'll tell it the way it's told EVERYTIME my extended and nuclear family gets together.  It's one of the classics.

So there I was, walking on the edge of the pool, eating my fistful of cheeseballs, one by one.  When suddenly, I lost my footing and fell into the pool.

All the adults went to save my life in this moment of panic.  I was there one second, and gone the next!  Right into the deep end!  And I wasn't old enough to even HANDLE the deep end!  So they ran over to the pool and when they got there, they saw little ol me, drowning, and as I was drowning, I was grabbing all the cheeseballs I could and shoving them into my mouth.

They pulled me out, and they say I was wide eyed and chewing furiously. 

That is a sad tale....

should i ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

When I was a kid and I saw the sky looking like this, I thought it was heaven.

she's got both hands in her pockets

When I was a kid, I broke my arms a few times.  For this particular story, the arm break occurred while I was in Kindergarten.  I was running on the sidewalk into my house and somehow tripped on my bookbag strap (I'm like magic.) and went tumblin' down and broke the bone up towards my elbow.

The cast pretty much covered my entire arm, and my neighbor told me that she was going to draw the Little Mermaid on my cast for me since I was such a big fan. 

BUT, she never drew her on there :(  I was bummin!  I had to continue to wear a sling after the cast came off, so I decided to show off my AWESOME tastes in movies on my sling.  I remember going and grabbing each movie so I could copy the letters to make the words on the sling.


AND.  That's all I can remember.  I hope you enjoyed the story.  I may just publish it and make millions and millions of dollars off of it, it IS that good, right?!  Thought so.

i'm tense and nervous

For some reason, I've never been a big fan of milk.  I do like chocolate milk, strawberry nesquick, and soy chocolate milk, but for SOME reason, regular old milk has never really done it for me.  Milk and I are not friends.   Because of this, I have eaten my cereal dry for as long as I can remember.  And I have known no other way!   People always think it's so bizarre.. they don't understand it.  But.. it's all I've ever known!

As of late, I have been discussing the milk/cereal/dry debacle and decided to go ahead and try some milk and cereal.  I mean, maybe I WAS missing something incredible here.  It seems that a lot of people have their day ruined when they realize there's no milk in your house after you pour yourself a bowl of cereal.  How could this not be a good thing if it held such power?!

So after research amongst friends - I got some 2% milk, some cinammon toast crunch, and I gave it a go.

Verdict?  It was okay.  I liked the cereal that was soaked in milk, but I didn't like it when I'd take a bite of cereal and there was milk just hanging out on the spoon as well.  It threw me off.  But I don't think I'll ever understand how people could be so confused by dry cereal...

two days a week outside your cell

Snow Snow Snow. 
I went outside today in the snow.  I shoveled my car out, got all the snow off of it, and cracked ice off of my drive way...  Total Chore.  Just a whole bunch of annoying work caused by the weather!

Reminded me of why snow was so much more fun when I was younger and didn't have to worry about these kinds of things!  Before I had a car, all I had to worry about was if I was going to get snow shoved and rubbed in my face by my brother when I wasn't paying attention.  

Sigh.. the good old days!

but darling - not as much as tomorrow.

it was cold, windy and wet during a quick trip to Wheaton Village to feed some ducks.
you'd be surprised to find out just how amazed 3 year olds are by buildings.

They fed some geese, fish, and turtles when we got there.
It reminded me of a story from when i was younger!

WHEN I WAS A KID...........
My grandfather and I went out and got a loaf of bread and went to feed the ducks. It was my first time doing this, so I was pretty stoked about it. Well, he handed me a piece of bread and I just threw it at a duck. He said, "No no, you have to rip it up." He handed me another piece of bread, I ripped it in half and I threw it again.
Then I remember him just being really frustrated with me as he helped me rip up the next piece of bread he gave me.
the end!

you can say no to being a man whore.

so check it out. it's been snowy-ish all day in these parts, but sometimes, when I drive at night in the snow, I'm reminded of something I used to think I was a child. Ready?

When I was a kid and we went to see my grandparents in the Pitts - I liked looking out the front window because it looked like we were hitting warp speed by the way that the snow hit the car.

ain't that a miracle?

When I was a senior in highschool, my next door neighbor knocked on my front door one day and said, "I need to borrow your bike" I asked her why and she said, "My boyfriend is over and my dad is coming home, so he needs to leave right now and he doesn't have a ride. So he needs to borrow your bike to get back to Port Norris"

Being the nice person I am, I let her borrow the bike. Needless to say; I never saw it again.

woe.

Anyway, I've really wanted a bike lately. Luckily, I have great friends NOW.

Thanks to Nathan, I'm soon gonna be the owner of this sweet ride. As you can see, it comes with a seat for my sister to ride with me.
Nathan and I are gonna have lots of bike races, here's his bike, by the way:
I GOT THIS SHIT IN THE BAG.
EAT THAT KRYSTAL!

my heart beats like a hammer

I saw a dead Raggedy Andy the other day encased and embalmed and just chilling.
It reminded me of my dream that scarred me from his sister - Raggedy Anne.
I had this dream a long time ago, and in this dream, Raggedy Anne came into my room and had to be about 6 feet tall. She walked over to my bed really slow and sat on the end. I started to sit up and pull away from her and she reached over vvveerrry slowly and started to rub my leg saying, "it's okay" in this creepy, deadpan, mysterious sounding voice.
I woke up yelling for my mother and the next day, made a motion to get rid of all the Raggedy Ann stuff I had in my room.

i was ridin high but now i'm feelin so low

Jenell and I were talking about the great "Oregon Trail" game from our computer classes in elementary school the other day.
It really made me want to play it again, so I googled, and I found.
I was doing pretty well and had everyone pretty healthy and fed..... until I decided to wade down the river and have everyone killed.

ITS DANGEROUS OUT THERE.

don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me

I think one of the most pointless toys ever created was/is an etch a sketch. All I ever made when I was younger was stairs and what is pictured above. I think I also used to write my name and then be mad that (1) it had to be connected and (2) everything was so boxy. The other day at work I played with one for about an hour and I was getting so mad cause I'd get so far with my square design only to mess up when I was almost done. I got too cocky with my knob turning!

Anyway, I think the etch a sketch is lame. I'm sure there's a dozen other toys from my past that I would play with now and be bored... but I can't believe I fell for this one. I mean really....

i'm only happy when it rains

Wig mannequins freak me out.

In Boscov's, they used to have their wig mannequins set on a higher shelf. The aisle they were in was tight, so you kind of felt trapped.

Well I used to go back there, and staring down on me were 5 wig mannequins and I used to get so freaked out.

I'm not sure why I think they're so scary. I mean, if they were to come alive, what would they do? Stare at me harder? They have no limbs so they can't even flick my ear, really.

I guess their condescending nature really gets me?

sitting here eating my heart out waiting

when i was younger, i used to think food had feelings and I'd secretly apologize in my head to it before i ate it.
example: "I'm sorry Chicken Nugget"
I think I remember trying to justify it by thinking that being food was their purpose and food was supposed to be eaten. But damn it, I still felt bad.
It never helped either when food looked like it had a face....

11.18.2007

lets say we take this town - no queen or king of any state

trick or treating isn't what it used to be. I was in charge of giving out candy today and I opened the door like 7 times. I LIVE IN A NEIGHBORHOOD .. it shoulda been hella busy!!!
I remember trick or treating being awesome. There was something cool about being dressed up and going trick or treating at night time. It was cool then because we could go around the neighborhood and freak each other out.
There was this cool additional halloween factor about trick or treating at night.
But what has it come to? Trick or Treating starting at 2 PM on a day that isn't even Halloween. I dont even like it when people dress up for parties on days that aren't Halloween - but I've since accepted that weekends are better than weekdays for halloween parties, WHATEVER.
Case in point - Trick or Treating sucks now.

10.27.2007

cause i can't wait much longer

When I was young, I took a CCD class (catholic school class) where my teacher in 2nd grade told us that in the year 2000, the world was going to explode in fire and we would all die and go and be judged for if we could get into heaven or hell.
She said one day God would be so sad about what was happening in our world that he would have to end it all to start over again.

So my second grade self hears this and is petrified. I had nightmares about it, I kept thinking, "I don't want to die when I'm only 16 years old" and I thought about how I'd want to be with my family. Then I thought about Noah and how Noah was approached to make the boat so he and his family could survive. So I started to hope that perhaps God would ask my dad to build a fire proof building so we could survive.

By the time it was 1999, and it was New Years Eve, I kinda knew nothing bad would happen, but still, there was a part of me that was scared that maybe - just maybe - something would happen.

After soccer practices when I was younger, my dad and I would drive home and there was a point that we turned onto main street when the sun was going down and it looked like fire in the sky. That always depressed me cause it reminded me of my year 2000 fate.

That woman should have lost her job, for real.

09.16.2007

but not one word possessed

WHILST waiting for my twin brother to get her portrait drawn by a professional artist, Brian and I went to see some of the amazing High Street.

WHILST enjoying the amazingggg clam/corn chowder that they were just giving away, I saw one store and said, "What is this place?" Brian said, "You've never been in here? We gotta go in."

WHILST looking at the odd collection of pieces in the store, I looked at one of the walls and saw sheets that looked as though bodies were laying under them. There were also sheets that looked to be wrapped around people. It reminded me of this "Friday the 13th" movie I had seen when I was really young. Basically there was a fun house and all these hands and faces were pressing against the wall from the other side of the wall. I don't know, maybe they were in hell or something. All I know is it really freaked me out.

WHILST remembering this and WHILST staring at that wall, I got really freaked out. I would post the picture I took of it, but it's late and I don't want to induce any nightmares onto myself!

09.01.2007

it's all in the way we know that we could have it all

Jenell and I went to an Open Mic thing tonight at some record store. I bought another copy of Bush's "Razorblade Suitcase" which I lost long ago. That was the first album I really fell in love with I think. Well, it was the first album that I knew a release date of and went to the store day of and listened to over and over again.

I'm listening to it now and it totally takes me back to my bedroom when I was 12 years old. I remember where my dresser was, my bed, the posters on my wall. But I really remember laying on my floor with my feet on my dresser and listening to this album while staring at Gavin Rossdale *SIGH*

But this is totally a winter album. If that makes any sense.

08.14.2007

go right to left, left to right

I've known Cailin since I was 13 years old. We originally we hated each other over our mutual crush on Jonathan Sheppard, but we got over it and became best friends. Bonded over Gavin Rossdale, Trent Reznor, Gwen Stefani, Courtney Love and Dave Grohl. Pretended to be drunk on one of our sleep overs off OJ and Vodka while walking around her neighborhood calling out for Buffy the Vampire to save us in case any vampires appeared. The summer of 1998 will always be reminiscent of her and our day long phone conversations until we could convince one of our parents to drive us to the mall or SOMETHING.

BASICALLY i've known Cailin a long time and she's moving across the country. But before she did that, she threw this little party at her house today and created this great game of Pin the Vagina on the Ideal Lesbian amputee.

I so lost, my "V" was the highest up there. But for real, I think all the medication I was on really messed with my perception. As soon as Cailin spun me I was lost. Then when she stopped me she was like, "okay go" and i seriously felt like I was facing the fence. So so lost...

however if you were to ask one of the Lesbians at the party, they'd just say it was obvious I was straight because I was so off with my placement..
Seriously, those lesbians were hysterical..
what the hell am i writing so much for?

08.12.2007

should i carry on? will it matter when i'm gone?

When I was a kid, I thought this stuff was cotton candy (even though looking at this stuff it looks really gross...). My mom told me it wasn't and that if I did eat it I'd get very sick. I'm thinking I also had a problem with touching it cause I remember that I wasn't supposed to touch it or I'd get very sick as well.
Insulation.... what can ya do?!

07.30.2007